U turn – loosing control and breaking routine.

I see my friends take their children out on day trips all the time. They look fun, exciting and rewarding. The kids are having fun, the parents are full of smiles and the activities are interacted with.

Without sounding too negative, for me, days out are super stressful. I panic.

I panic about getting out of the door in time.

I panic about changes of clothes, will we be hot or cold?! Will frankie wet himself? Will Vinnie pour all his food and drink down himself?!

I panic about naps – will they fall asleep on the way there and not want to partake or worse on the way back and then not go to bed.

Have I got all medication, calpol, nurofen, piriton, epi pen?

But, most of all I panic about food. Have they got enough things, is everything allergy friendly? What’s going on at said resort, is it food based? Am I going to have to discreetly swap chocolate for other treats?! Are kids going to be walking around dropping their cheese sandwiches everywhere?! Am I going to be allowed to take a picnic in?

Then I panic about pushchairs. Do I need the Single? Double? Stroller? Hooks for bags?

It goes on…..

I have to psychologically plan these days out so far in advance. Nothing can be spur of the moment. I’m on edge for the first 20 mins of the car journey, worrying I’ve not got everything I need.

Unfortunately, Mike is never able to join in our adventures. Restaurant demands keep him tied up at home. So unless my mum is able to help, we don’t go. I couldn’t do it on my own.

I have a real issue with routines. Something I will go into further at a later date. But in brief, we have daily routines and for me to feel like I’m in control, I have to stick to them rigidly. I’m starting to relax more as the boys get older, but mostly, we have systems and structures which help us all.

Days out, break ALL routines. This panics me. I value my own time in the evening so much, even if I chase around cleaning the house, or cook dinner or do paperwork, I crave those few childfree hours!! I constantly worry that the kids won’t go to bed and I won’t get this!!

It’s currently the Easter holidays. Easter means chocolate. Chocolate eggs, chocolate bunnies, chocolate hunts…. agh!!! For an allergy parent this anxiety central!!

I’m on edge! Cross contamination is so easy! It’s my biggest nightmare. Chocolatey fingers everywhere; someone drinking out of the wrong cup. Frankie has always been very good at understand what will give him an ‘ouchy’. Vinnie, on the other hand, will grab anything!!

I’ve found some activities over the Easter holidays brilliant!! For example, we went to The Eden Project. There weren’t ANY chocolate themed activities. There was Vegan ice cream and the boys behaved. I went with a friend and my mum came. Between 3 adults we had 5 kids, not bad ratios. For me that is key!!

The Eden Project

The National Marine Aquarium was also great!! Nothing chocolate related at all!!

But obviously it’s not possible to, or nor would I want to, go on trips every day.

Today, started off well, I purposefully tried to have a relaxed morning. We’d then walk the dog, go to the farm and then a local Easter event. I’d got a load of washing on early, done a cooked breakfast for everyone and then kids were semi behaving. It very quickly took a u turn. I walk up to our garden to hang out the laundry, when I notice our neighbours drain had poured all over our steps, artificial grass and children’s toys. The smell was rancid, ‘mirkey foam’ was settled everywhere, and water puddled down towards our drain. I very quickly went into meltdown mode. It’s the hottest weekend of the year, it’s bank holiday, Mike is working. I’ve got both the boys, I’m essentially banned from my garden. It was too much for me to clean alone. I had lost control.

This one single event had sent me spiralling. Everything became a panicked job! I was flustered. I didn’t know what to prioritise.

I had errands to run so I went out with the intention of doing my jobs and then going to the beach. Vinnie would fall asleep in the car and I could have some quality time with Frankie, which doesn’t often happen.

I drive down to the beach and great, they’re both asleep! So back home I go.

I then spent the next hour or so scrubbing someone else’s drain wastage off of my artificial grass whilst Mike powerwashed the steps and floor. Thank goodness for zoflora!!The kids woke. We’d done it! And the neighbours had unblocked the drain.

Instant relief. That heavy cloud lifted and we had a lovely afternoon in the garden with boys. I relaxed so much knowing the problem had been solved, I didn’t realise how much it had affected me. I broke my routine and took the boys to the beach for tea. It was perfect.

Although I struggled to cope with the situation at hand today, I managed to relax afterwards.

Clouds do lift.

Days out can be planned and controlled and consequently easier. And unfortunately for now I have to do this for every minute. I have my ‘safe places’ and friends houses. But no matter what, I have my systems and my routines. They help me make days out successful, but just as important, I need to remember to relax sometimes and just go with the flow.