Making time for me.

When you live in the same space where you run a business and where people work, it’s very hard to switch off.

There’s noise from staff, customers and music constantly. This can carry on until 11.30pm depending on the service.

My bedroom and front room are directly above the front of the restaurant and it’s not very sound proof at all.

My husband works so very hard and being a chef is one of the most pressured and intense jobs you could do. I honestly don’t know how they all do it. He is also Italian and so very emotional and over the top. But in turn, I feel very guilty if I can’t help him. Which is most often the case.

When the restaurant is full, I am full of guilt for not running around with them all. I can hear the stress, the pressure, the speed and concentration. But I am on my own with the children, putting them to bed and hoping they don’t wake again!! I can’t help!

In saying that, there’s always something to do; paperwork, cleaning, laundry, organising, cooking for us and I also feel very guilty if I don’t do all of these things.

But, since starting this blog I have had to make time for myself. Trying to take care of everyone else became too much. Frankie is great at going to sleep. Vinnie takes a bit longer to settle. But, once they’re asleep I run the bath and jump in. I lay and try my upmost to rest just for 10 minutes. I know once they’ve just fallen asleep I may have a bit of time. Whilst the bath is running. I whiz round and make sure everything is ‘tidy’ and that dinner is ready to cook or ready to eat.

I can’t help in the restaurant so I help myself. A massive learning curve.

I help myself to relax, to switch off, to rest, to submerge. I put a song on, or read my book and drift away from any parenting or responsibilities I have. This time is precious. This time is me. This time is mine.

It may be the smallest snippet of the day. But to find the smallest of windows where the franticness disappears, where the worries melt away, where the pressure evaporates, makes coping with the rest of life’s pressures that little bit easier.

I would always have been one to advise to take time for yourself, but I would never have followed my own advice. I’m too busy. I’m too tired. I’m too stressed. I’ve got to listen out for the baby. But, I’ve had to find the time. Finding time is key.

I’ve had to put in place different coping mechanisms. The way I clean, the way I cook, the way I work, the way I relax, have all had to change. Some are better for doing so.

I am a control freak and I panic so much when I lose control. But now, rather than drowning in anxiety, I have taken control of self care. Just a small element. But self care nonetheless.

I now no longer worry if I’ve gone to bed before Mike finishes work. If I’m tired, I’m tired.

Today, for the first time in years, I sat down and read, in the middle of the afternoon. I read, had a cup of tea and switched off. Frankie was at nursery and Vinnie was having a nap. I rested. I never do this as there’s always something to do. But today, although there were a million things I should have done, I stopped and took a moment, just for me.

I’m writing this not to show smugness, but to tell you, you are important. There’s no point in rushing around doing things for everyone else if you can’t even take care of yourself.

Find time. Make time. Something else can wait. Go for a walk. Lay down. Have a bath. Go for a coffee. Find time for you. Your own sanctuary. And step by step, you will hopefully find you again. That cloud will slowly lift.

You are important.