Always looking for the next challenge….just stop.

I don’t know why, but I always feel the need to push myself and this comes into full force with the kids. Although I am completely trusting in their own progression, as soon as we overcome one developmental stage, instead of resting and enjoying the achievement, I push myself to begin the next.

For example, if we just accomplish bedtime routines, I will instantly push into the next challenge such as toilet training or giving up a dummy. I won’t relax and enjoy that things have got slightly easier, I push on and don’t give myself a break. Reflectivity maybe I’m not giving the kids a break either.

Why do I do this? What drives me to think we always have to be achieving or accomplishing something? Does it make me a better parent? No! In fact it’s most likely the complete opposite as I’m more tired and stressed….

I’m the same with myself. I have a project in mind, I work on it and work on it until it’s near enough done. I obsess and then once completed I very quickly start thinking about the next thing I need to do. Notice the NEED, not WANT.

Am I presenting a sense of dissatisfaction with how things are? Do I have a need to ‘fix’ things? It’s certainly not boredom as I have more than enough on my plate!

Reflectively, I feel pressure, or put pressure on myself that I shouldn’t just relax and stop for a minute and that I should always use my time effectively. I have family members who always say that they just ‘can’t sit still’. I guess perhaps I feel guilty if I do that? Also as I’ve said before in previous posts, with my living quarters interlinking with the restaurant, I feel guilty if I’m resting when everyone else in my house is working hard.

Again, as previously mentioned, my boys are terrible sleepers. I am awake for a lot of the night, particularly from midnight through to 6am. So surely, I should be kind to myself and just relax in the evening, I shouldn’t push myself and should just actually accept that we’re all different. I don’t have to follow someone else’s rules.

I need to remember that this world of social media updates when one child is doing one thing and another child is doing something else, are simply just pictures. We beat ourselves up with this need to compare and be the best. Or perhaps not even the best, perhaps just reassurance that we’re not failing.

‘Oh my child will eat everything that’s put in front of them’ I feel inadequate as mine are fussy eaters and have severe food allergies.

‘Oh My child has been out of nappies for over a year’. My 3 year old still needs to use one for ‘certain business’ again my fear of being inferior or doing a bad job takes over.

My child can recite the alphabet backwards whilst standing on their head……… HMMMMM……..

I am by no means a pushy parent, but recently, I’ve really been feeling guilty about making my children grow up. Trying to get Vinnie not ‘need’ a bottle anymore at all, when overhearing that a 3 year old is still having one. Who actually cares?? Why am I worrying about what other people are going to say or think when I’m the one who lives with and parents my children?!

This constant pressure to be ticking the boxes and reaching unnecessary targets has such an affect on anyone’s mental health. This world of looking the best, being the best, doing the best, having the best is overwhelming and unnecessary! Yet we all do it and feel the need to have some sort of recognition for our ‘hard work’.

Are we all craving reward? We are programmed as soon as we start school to be aiming to achieve the best, what’s wrong with just enjoying? What’s wrong with just being?

I tell you what…nothing. There’s nothing wrong with just sitting, relaxing and enjoying the moment.

I need to actively try to do this more.

I’m tired.